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[quote=Anonymous]I don't know if OP is still around, but here is how I stopped being a compulsive liar:

I started lying in my early teens.  I had been a very sweet kid, but when we had to move cross country for my dad's new job, I was FURIOUS with my parents and with fate, so I decided to be really bad.  Since I had always told the truth, I wasn't caught for a while.  When I was first busted, my parents came down hard, but they both felt sorry for me and were distracted by the move/new job, and they were honestly no match for me.

My lies and stupidity put me in a lot of bad situations.  One night, I was date raped by a much older man.  I went home and tried to process what had just happened, and it felt like my brain shorted out.  A year earlier, I had been a decent person.  Now, who was I?  I had violated every single principle I knew was right.  Some part of me decided that I would prove nothing bad had happened to me.  I couldn't face the consequences, the TRUTH, so I would make my own reality in which what happened to me was actually a wonderful, good, romantic thing, a story of true love.  So that's what I set out to do.

So I became a living lie.  I lied about absolutely everything, whether I needed to or not.  I made my parents' life hell.  I was a horrible person.  I was diagnosed as bipolar, but that was incorrect.  I was just very stubborn, very lost, and very determined to make everything "right," on my terms.  Everyone else was crazy--I was the sane one, I told myself.  If everyone would just let me do anything I wanted, life would be perfect!  The strain of being a constant liar was so oppressive.

When discovered and threatened with prosecution, the older man left town.  I got even worse.  I stayed a terrible liar for about 10 years total, through college and marriage and children.  It defined me.

How did I stop?  First, I finally admitted to myself that I had been wrong, but I had also BEEN WRONGED when I was raped.  And my relationship with that man had not been the love of my life--it had been the ruin of my life.  Facing that was the hardest thing I had ever done.  Second, I was diagnosed properly, and solved some physical ailments, which completely changed my emotional/psychological health.  Third, I found God (or, rather, I let Him find me), and I confessed my sins and resolved to do better with His help.  Fourth, I came to an agreement with my wonderful, patient, long-suffering spouse:  I would work on my lying, but it would take time.  If I said a lie, I would immediately say, out loud, "I'm sorry, that was a lie.  This is the truth...". He agreed to never get upset when I did that.  At first, pretty much every sentence had to be revised.  But I slowly got better.

Now, I can tell when it's been a while since my last confession, because my old habits start creeping back, usually with self-serving little lies.  But then I apologize to my husband, go to confession, and start over again.  My default setting now is to tell the truth, and I never thought that could be the case.

So, OP, if this is a dear friend, maybe you shouldn't give up on her.  Maybe there is a reason she became a liar--a combination of temperament (because I can still tell a great, dramatic story!), circumstance, motivation, and habit.  And I promise you, it is a terrible way to live.  Of course, you can't fix her--she needs to decide to fix herself, and it would take humility and time, at the very least.  Depending on what she is up against--because it could be mental illness--there is great hope or very little hope.  But if you care about her and are close to her, you could ask her why she feels compelled to lie all the time.  She'll most likely just get really angry, but it might be the start to recovery, if you approach her lovingly and without condemnation.[/quote]

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