Reply to How do you truly forgive a parent who hurt you?

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[quote=Anonymous]Therapy can help you understand and recognize the trauma you suffered, and then help you "put it down" in order to move forward without getting stuck on it.

None of this requires forgiveness, forgetting, or even a conversation with your father.  It's personal work - understanding and accepting what was (accepting does not equal condoning or forgiving) and recognizing that your present and future are very different from that past.

Forgiveness is over-rated and often counterproductive.  I don't see the value of forgiving someone who has not taking responsibility for their actions and/or who is continuing the hurtful conduct still.  BUT I now see the value of opening the long-buried vault with my old feelings of grief, anger, fear, sadness etc. in order to accept them and then put them down.

Good luck.  This isn't easy stuff, but there's a lot of good living on the other side.  (I also think that if you work on understanding and accepting your past, you won't feel shame or guilt for creating healthy and appropriate boundaries with your father or others.  Peace with your decisions comes more naturally at that point.  Even if those decisions are unpopular or scorned by others.  It somehow feels ok in a way it never did before.)[/quote]

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