Reply to Pros v. Cons: domestic and international adoption

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[quote=Anonymous]I chose international adoption for the following reasons:
1)  many (not all, but many) domestic adoptions are "open" to some extent and mandate continued involvement with the biological family.  I did not want to have to have my parenting continually second-guessed by a biological parent and I think---based upon what I have seen friends who DID choose that route---that it is often confusing for the child.  We actually have maintained some limited connection with my DC's biological family but that has been at our choice and we would have severed it if we had ever thought that it was damaging to our DC.  
2) I was exhausted after years of fertility treatment and just did not feel up to the social complexities of transracial adoption.  We did, however, feel like we could tackle older child adoption.  I think that is just a highly personal decision.  
3) Any instance where a child is coming from a situation of poor prenatal care and potential early childhood neglect is going to increase the odds of SN.  
4) Most any adoption agency program---whether domestic or intl--will have criteria regarding age and family status.  Domestic programs are more open to same-sex couples, many intl. programs are not.  Some programs will allow only married couples to adopt and will require the couple to have been married for a certain period of time prior to adoption and most programs will have some type of age criteria for the parents linked to the age of the child being adopted, e.g., most programs will not allow a 50 yo to do infant adoption, while they will permit them to adopt a 10 yo.

Good luck.  But understand that adoption is complex and involves issues of loss and grief.  I am glad we did it but it has often been very challenging.  I sometimes look at my friends who had safe, secure wanted pregnancies, neurotypical children, and secure attached relationships with them, and am a little jealous about how easy their family seems compared to the challenges my family navigates.  Just as I think my children look at families like that and grieve that they did not grow up from infancy in a stable loving home with their biological family.  [/quote]

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