Reply to Deciding on whether to have a 2nd child when you don't know how severe your 1st will be disabled

Forum Index » Kids With Special Needs and Disabilities

Reply to "Deciding on whether to have a 2nd child when you don't know how severe your 1st will be disabled"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a one year old with a neurological condition resulting in extreme delays.  We don't know if he will ever walk or talk.  He's a spirited little thing and getting stronger every day, so I think (hope) he will walk eventually even if it's not for a few years.  I know parents of NT kids don't know for certain what their kids future lives hold, but I know my friends with NT kids don't sit around now wondering if their child will ever be able to live independently.  Which I do.  A lot.  I find myself wondering about a second and what weighed in favor for or against for other people.  I think it would be great for my child to have a sibling to provide motivation ("if he can do it maybe I can do it"), to hopefully be a friend, someone to watch out for him when we are gone.  On the other hand, having a special needs child is difficult, and I find I am only able to be as positive as I am because I can take time for myself and my relationship.  It seems that if I am feeling strong in my relationship and feeling good about myself (e.g. get enough exercise), then I am a much better mother and able to handle the challenges my child faces.  If I had a second kid, I feel like my "me" time would have to take a backseat during the infant years.  It's something I think is totally normal when you have two kids, but you just suck it up for a while and eventually balance returns and life is good again.  But I worry that this would make me less able to handle the challenges of kid #1 (staying on top of all the therapies and doctors while working, continuing to do all the therapy homework every day with the hope of small gains in motor skills, not getting depressed about the sloooow rate of development etc.).

Do people have a second child just to make sure #1 has someone to take care of them or to give #1 a built in playmate?  Seems like a huge burden to put on #2.  But is it selfish to not have a second child if the decision not to have a child is somewhat selfish?  Even if the selfish reason is that having time for me is what makes me a good mom to #1?

I'd be interested to hear from other who had a disabled #1 why or why not they decided to have #2.[/quote]

No one I know had a second child to get a play mate or care giver for child #1 with a disability.   You can start the childfind process - public school programs and services for ages 2-5 :
http://commweb.fcps.edu/programprofile/overview.cfm?ProgramID=98
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics