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[quote=Anonymous]Wow, OP -- I could have written this. Right down the details about getting no postpartum support and the PPD. And I very much relate to realizing in motherhood that my mom did not care for me or relate to me in the same way. I sometimes remember things my mom said or did to me as a child, and then I look at my own similarly aged children and I can't believe it.

The biggest thing for me is detachment. It's become clear to me over the years that my mom has been suffering from serious mental health issues (depression and possibly others) for most of my life. For a time this actually made me more angry and sad because it made me wonder what might have been if she'd just gotten treatment. But the upshot is that it has really helped me realize as a mom that taking care of my mental health is important not just for me but for my kids, and to help me set an example of self-love and self-care that was not set for me. In that process, it's allowed me to let go of some of the anger and sadness and view my childhood with more detachment. I can see what went wrong, but I can also look at where I am now and see that I have survived and am, I believe, a better mom to my own kids. That helps.

In terms of dealing with my mom, she can still sometimes get under my skin. As I've reached this point of detachment, her behavior has actually gotten worse because she will try to manipulate me into feeling guilty so that she can retain a hold on me. She actually just did this a couple weeks ago, during a video call that was supposedly between her and my DD but where she mostly just said resentful things to me. When I got of the call, I had this awful pit in my stomach, just full of guilt and sadness over this state of our relationship. But over the next few days I thought it over and let it go. I can't control her. I can't go back in time and change anything and neither can she. I can just try to make good decisions for myself and my family now. I honestly wish her the best and it makes me sad that she has gotten to this age without figuring out how to make herself happy (instead of martyring herself and then trying to make us all feel guilty for choices she freely made for herself). But that's her choice, not mine.

Good luck to you. This has been an unexpectedly sad aspect of motherhood for me. I had no idea it would happen, but based on the reading I've done on the subject, it's quite common. You aren't alone in these feelings.[/quote]

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