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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am the parent of a 4yo boy who is generally a very kind and engaged little guy. We have high (and age appropriate) standards for his behavior. Excessive whining, complaining, rudeness, unkindness is just not tolerated around here. And how we have run things has been fine but now as he is moving into little kid territory I need a gut check.

As of late the eye rolling, whining and even 4yo sarcasm is leveling up. I know he is testing boundaries and so a certain amount of this I just have to let go sometimes, I think. Esp in the evenings after long days at school and trying to get him in his bedtime routine, I'll let things slide a little more. But I wanted to check with the "strict" parents, what is your rudeness boundary? How much attitude do you let slide before a consequence? FWIW he doesn't do this to others like his teachers or babysitters.

As an example, this morning I asked him to go pick out clothes and he rolled his eyes and walked out of the room, ignoring me as I called his name repeatedly.  "Consequences" often include me scooping him up and saying, "Oh wow you seemed to have forgotten you kindness just now! How about you take a break until you can show me you know how to be kind." Or something of the sort. It does work but should I be doing that with every huff and eyeroll? [/quote]

Kindness is different, I'd change the phrasing. Kindness is a type of behavior marked by acts of generosity, consideration, or concern for others, without expecting praise or reward.  What you are expecting is appropriate behaiour, a certain amount of civility or politeness.  Stop using the word kindness interchangeably.  You want to teach your child to be kind, that is in acts and behaviour that he will choose to engage in, often by example.  Courtesy and politeness can be (en)forced and expected.

As for whether you should do it with every huff and eyeroll, it depends on your tolerance for escalation.  I did, because I knew it would only get worse if my boys felt like they could do it.  I always told them they could express their feelings to me politely with words, but not like that.  So if they rolled their eyes, I might say "Does that seem like an appropriate way to let me know that you are (frustrated/angry/annoyed)? Maybe you should just tell me what's wrong".  They are older teens now, and I don't get a lot of that because they have had years of being able to tell me what is bothering them, that I might be annoying them, or that they disagree--as long as they do it civilly.  Does it work always?  Of course not.  But it works pretty well IME.[/quote]

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