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[quote=Anonymous]No one needs a friend whose role is to provide "tough love", ie. telling them the unvarnished truth that they don't want to hear.

Sometimes people need tough love in very specific situations. But it's a tricky thing. A close friend may not actually be a good source of tough love. The best tough love I've gotten has come from people who were familiar with a specific situation I was in but who I was not personally close to. I think that's because if someone very close to you gives you tough love, it's impossible not to feel judged by it. Someone with a bit more remove can weigh in and it feels like an unbiased opinion.

I've had friends (please note the past tense) who believed it was their role, either in my life or just in general, to provide tough love. In the end I just felt like these people didn't like or respect me very much. I had one friend who, when I objected to once such incidence of tough love and asked instead for support, derisively said "What, you just want me to be your cheerleader?" I mean, when you say it that way it sounds dumb, but: yes. That's what friends are for, in my opinion.

Obviously if you have a friend who has a drug addiction, a personality disorder or issue that is impacting their ability to work or have functional relationships, or is otherwise self-destructive, you don't have to cheerlead their specific self-destructive behavior. But you can certainly cheerlead their recovery, or seeking therapy or support. Truthfully, even someone in a dire situation is unlikely to get better with tough love. They are probably better off with just regular love.

Anyway, if your whole personality is that you are the "tough love" friend who "tells it like it is", I wonder if you should rethink that approach. It's unlikely that it's helping anyone.[/quote]

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