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[quote=Anonymous]My mom says she wants to take my kid to the doctor for her annual checkup so she can ask about some concerns.

Some context: we rely on my parents for childcare help. I just launched a startup and am not making a salary yet, husband is between jobs. We have two young kids who are home all day. We are chronically exhausted, so my parents help watch them on some weekends to give us a bit of a break. Sometimes one day, sometimes overnight.

They are always worrying about the kids and giving advice about what we need to do better (feeding, routines, development, etc). Sometimes if they don't like my approach, they buy the kids stuff that fits their idea of appropriate clothes, toys or food. They don't see this as overstepping, and keep saying that it's all ok because it comes out of love, and it's their right as grandparents to speak up to protect the kids' health and wellbeing, especially because they are older and wiser.

It is really hurtful that they're always trying to optimize and improve our parenting, but whatever, it's the price of free childcare and we can't afford to hire someone with no salary coming in.

Today, my mom called saying they are both very worried about my older one having undereye circles and want to take her to the doctor. They say that there is a lot of complex genetic history I don't know about, they can't just write down the questions for me to ask, one of them absolutely must be there.

Our kid just learned to read and is always staying up late reading in bed long after bedtime. Plus her dad has these same undereye circles, and she looks just like him. So I'm really not worried about the circles, but I promised that me or my husband will definitely ask the doctor at the next checkup.

Not good enough, apparently. My mom says she must be there or no childcare for us (the weekend help, plus they had promised to take the kids for a week so we could have our first-ever break since the younger was born).

I explained that we're really not comfortable with her doing this, it's way overstepping, she needs to trust us to take care of our kids' health...she says she's sure we're doing our best, but no one is perfect, we could be missing something, and the stakes are too high for her to let this go (i.e. kids' health is too important for her not to "help out")

Are we crazy? Is she crazy? What would you do? [/quote]

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