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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not sure how to explain this.  DH wants to be the "good guy" and triangulates with DC.  It is (as DH intended) driving a wedge between me and DC.

As background, DH treats me the way he was treated by his family (DH was sidelined by siblings and parents, MIL was sidelined by FIL, and FIL was sidelined by his job, all on the regular, so it is a trickle down effect), and though his family is long overdue for professional help (re: the way they treat each other - their "assigned roles"/codependency/narcissism and general selfishness are completely dysfunctional), I am trying to work on me, and am getting discouraged about having to run interference for DH's antics.  Please don't derail or blame I am looking for another route beside divorce or therapy (considered and underway, respectively).  What I am looking for is wives (or husbands) who have been "sidelined" by their spouse, and constructive ways to help the situation. DH was always the "bad guy" (blamed/scapegoated/left out) in his family, and the family members (including DH) never really had friends/relationships, so I am sure that didn't help. [/quote]

You are saying that your DH is *intentionally* driving a wedge between you and your child? That's toxic behavior-- and if you're convinced it's purposeful, it's grounds for separation.

If it's not purposeful, then you might consider that your DH is attempting to de-escalate struggles or ingratiate himself with your DS in a dysfunctional way (i.e. because he doesn't have the relationship or parenting skills to keep a united front under duress--e.g. maybe he's conflict averse or fears losing DS's love if he unites with you over expectations). This can cause a good guy/ bad guy dichotomy if it's a regular thing- and probably requires some therapy (marital, individual) [/quote]

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