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[quote=Anonymous]
My husband is occasionally verbally abusive when he's triggered, and when that happens, he starts saying ridiculous things and makes financial threats/confiscates things, targeting our teen and I (not our youngest). I always defend my teen (he's never at fault and never starts a fight), and I always defend myself. I cannot divorce - he would want partial custody and he looks very good on paper, and I would not be able to protect my children. He is incredibly punitive and hyper-controlling, and a divorce would send him over the edge in terms of what he'd be willing to pay for college, or helping the children beyond basic care.

My kids understand he is abusive, and understand that until they are independent from him, they have to manage this person. We have had long conversations about not letting this bad example weigh on their future relationships, professional or private. It's very easy to choose partners like that, or start yelling yourself, when your parent behaves like this. Even though you know it's not right, it's a pattern that is familiar. I can only hope that my example counterbalances this. I have a strong bond of trust with my children, and they always come to me for advice and support.

This only works because my husband is perfectly calm most of the time. If he were out of his mind half the time, we'd leave, of course, not matter the cost.
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