Reply to Genuinely asking: why do people hover/observe/comment?

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[quote=Anonymous]So yes, this is about ILs, but it is behavior I've seen in co-workers, extended family of mine, and neighbors, so this isn't an "IL issue," per se. But for the purposes of this thread, I'm using them as an example to genuinely try to seek insight about why people do this, and what ways there might be to politely address it.

My ILs hover. If we are together, they are RIGHT on top of us, and don't give us physical space. They also ask intrusive questions, and don't read any social cues that maybe they're digging too deep. (I will give them credit that if I directly say, "I don't want to talk about that," they'll drop it, but then things feel awkward and bad...whereas most people would have kind of read the room by then and it would not have been necessary to outright say, "I don't want to talk about that.")

They also observe and comment on everything: especially when it comes to food. They do this to each other, so I don't think it's personal or anything, but MIL will be like, "Oh Jason, you ate two and a half pieces of lasagna. Do you think that will agree with you?" or "Oh, Michelle, what do you mean you don't want a cookie? Have a cookie!" It's a constant commentary of what we (or other people are doing), how they're doing it, and speculation about why. (The speculation is also kind of extreme, like, "Those neighbors put their house up. Maybe they're getting a divorce, or he lost his job.")

They're nice people, but I find the physical hovering and the general running commentary to be intrusive. I have a hard time relaxing around them. Any thoughts? Any strategies I might try? I want a better relationship with them, that's my goal.[/quote]

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