Reply to FIL with dementia demanding to “go home”

Forum Index » Eldercare

Reply to "FIL with dementia demanding to “go home”"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]FIL is 88, almost 89. He came to live with us about 6 months ago following a stroke. He has significant memory deficits and evaluations indicate moderate cognitive decline and recommend 24 hour care available with possibility of locked care unit. He cannot drive (stroke, memory, vision - his car had clearly been in numerous collisions in the few months before the latest stroke). He can’t remember that he can’t drive. He can’t remember that he has any cognitive decline. He doesn’t believe he hasn’t paid his taxes in years and has missed many appointments and stopped engaging in his regular routine of many years. He believes he’s 100% capable of living independently and caring for himself.

Things he can do:
- physically very fit for age
- mobile, capable of physical self-care but only engages in personal hygiene if reminded (otherwise wears the same clothes until filthy and doesn’t shave for weeks; hadn’t trimmed nails for several months)
- pleasant conversation & generally sociable
- can certainly express that he wants to go home

Things he can’t do:
- remember personal hygiene or complete it without multiple prompts/reminders
- provide adequate nutrition for himself (had lost a lot of weight, had vitamin deficiencies, very dehydrated, fridge full of expired food)
- drive (!!)
- remember appointments
- he’s lost his car several times and required someone else to help find it but didn’t know how to seek that help
- isn’t keeping up on taxes, bills that aren’t on auto-pay
- stopped household maintenance and yard care; yard was so bad neighbors called us and we set up lawn care. We also set up house cleaners. 
- medication management - thinks he takes one pill occasionally, actually takes about 8 medications between am and pm, which we manage for him
- doesn’t remember conversations that you had five minutes before, like “we’re going to the doctor today” - tell him again and he’s surprised 
- not oriented to date/passage of time - thinks he’s been visiting us for two weeks but it’s been nearly six months 
- biggest issue is he has no recognition of any of his cognitive deficits, and even when given written documentation of evaluations doesn’t believe it, forgets he can’t drive and plans to drive extensively “when he goes home”, has no idea what health issues he has

Today I had to take him to the doctor to discuss medication to address increasing agitation over “going home” and he did a top notch job of demonstrating his lack of awareness to the physician. It was a total display of dementia. YET: physician didn’t think there was enough info to say FIL isn’t competent to make his own decisions.

I am at an absolute loss. He is a wandering risk. Got lost walking in the neighborhood he walks in daily. Has no idea his medical issues despite having them explained repeatedly. Can’t care for himself. Yet he’s...fine?

Advice very much needed on next steps. We do have power of attorney (financial and health care) but they’re active upon incapacity. We feel so trapped but know there is no way it’s safe or appropriate for father in law to go home. What can we do next? He’s an “elopement risk” at this point because he’s so fired up about going home. Doctor’s advice was to take him to an ER if that happens. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics