Reply to Tired of my mom tearing down my husband

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. I guess I’m just sad I can’t lean on her. I looked back at my text. Removing a few personal details I wrote “We have the evaluation back. I couldn’t attend the meeting, but DH did and told me the details. He’s pretty down about it because it’s a lot on top of a busy week at his new job. It will be okay. I’ve saved up a ton of leave so can use that if needed.”[/quote]

There has to be more history than that, because otherwise your mom’s leap from “DH covered this important kid-related meeting by himself because I couldn’t make it” to “You do everything and your DH does nothing” is pretty irrational.  If that really is the full story, though, you need to stop talking to your mom about anything sensitive, because she will never support you the way you want, and will only use that information against you.[/quote]

Even if you don't think you complain about your husband all the time, if there is a pattern of you complaining about how much you have to do, or mentioning that you are taking leave to deal with kid stuff, or talking about how much he works, etc., then she's going to pick up on that.  So when you sound overwhelmed and as if you are responsible for this stuff, she likely thinks she IS supporting you with these comments.  She didn't say your husband was a lazy SOB, she said he needed to step up.  It wasn't an attack on his character, it was a comment on what apparently looks like an uneven division of labor.  [/quote]

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