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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So it's your sibling's child?  Firstly, they need time to observe you.  Stop trying to interact and force a bond.  It's kind of like when babies are shy - just let them observe you talking with the people they know and trust.  Be consistent - they pay attention to what you say. If you say you'll drop something off Wednesday, don't blow it off or show up Thursday. If you say you always pick green any time there's an opportunity to pick a color, don't then say "I think today I'll be yellow." That will make you untrustworthy.

Be accepting of their anger.  "That would make me really angry too."  "That didn't go how you wanted it to at all, did it?" Let them have their anger - don't try to show them the silver lining or tell them their toy wouldn't have broken if they'd been more gentle with it.  [/quote]

I agree with this.  You can’t force trust, it has to build over time by showing this child consistently over and over again that they can rely on you.  There are ways to encourage it, though.  For instance, if you were having them over for a cookout, ask (or have he adoptive parents ask for you) whether they would prefer hamburgers or hotdogs, a preferred ice cream flavor, etc., and then make sure you have when they come over.  It’s a sign that you care about their preferences and they can believe you’ll do what you say.

Be aware, though, that you also may get backlash at some point,  For a child who has been hurt that badly, trusting people is scary.  So if this child starts to feel like maybe they can trust you, they are likely to act out in a way that’s designed to push you away.  It’s not because they want to drive you away, it’s to see if they can.  It’s a test.  If you stick around, and are firm with any necessary boundaries but still loving, empathetic and kind, that will resonate.[/quote]

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