Reply to Can you have a successful sexless marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Her last reason for rejection was that I hadn't been romantic enough to her in the past few weeks.[/quote]
She's telling you something. What does romantic mean to her? Everyone has a different love language. Instead of accepting a sexless marriage, are you willing to romance her more?[/quote]

This. I’ve said this to my DH before - that I didn’t want to have sex with him, because he hasn’t been romantic or shown me affection. Like you, he was angry and felt rejected. He sulked and was distant toward me. I felt like he was punishing me for turning him down. He said he didn’t know the correct algorithm of romantic acts he should do during the day that would lead to sex at night.

I told him that I need to feel desired by my partner in order to feel sexually aroused. When he treats me like a roommate or friend during the day with no sexual energy between us, I don’t feel desired. My body doesn’t go from friend zone to sex beast when we jump into bed. If we’ve been friend zone all day, then I’m still feeling like a friend toward DH at night when he’s trying to initiate.

I told him romantic for me was the things he did earlier in our marriage when we had more sex. Tell me you think I’m hot. What is it about my body that is attractive?  Sensual touching throughout the day. Earlier in our marriage we would kiss during the day, say I love yous, flirt with each other. He would plan dates and surprises. He tried to woo me.

Are you treating your DW like you did when you first married?  Also, we went to couples counseling for support. Therapist told DH my love language is words of affirmation. I needed him to express desire in words. Are you speaking you DW’s love language?  Maybe try some help before throwing in the towel and cheating. [/quote]

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