Reply to Can you have a successful sexless marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Her last reason for rejection was that I hadn't been romantic enough to her in the past few weeks.[/quote]
She's telling you something. What does romantic mean to her? Everyone has a different love language. Instead of accepting a sexless marriage, are you willing to romance her more?[/quote]

She was right about that (wasn't intentional, just lots of other things going on), but I never was that romantic, and she's wasn't romantic or affectionate towards me the previous weeks either.

That's been my action in the past -- try to be more romantic.. but this time around, it got me to thinking... it's just another barrier she's putting off in order to have sex. It's like you have to pass a list of 10 different tests in order to get it once every month or two... and I'm wondering if this is worth all the effort, when rejection is nearly as likely as well.

I just feel like she's treating it like some reward and I have to jump through all these hoops, while I've never rejected her nor set up all these requirements.[/quote]

She is definitely signaling that in order for her to feel amorous toward you, she needs romance and the "feeling" of affection FROM you.
And of course what she isn't realizing is that in order to feel romantic and affectionate toward HER in the way that makes her respond to you, YOU need physical connection.
But someone has to "budge" first, OP.
And since you're the one writing on the message board about it, I would recommend you be the one to set the tone.

HOWEVER, I also think it is worth having the conversation where you state how you're feeling the way you did in the second paragraph. Bluntly. "Sweetheart, I want us to have a better sex life, but I think we both need to work on that. I will commit to doing my part to give you what you need emotionally in the romance department. And I'd like you to do the same in the physical affection department."
Chances are, OP, if you woo your wife, she will feel more amenable to sex. And when you have sex, you'll feel more connected and want to romance her and the cycle will build from there. The trick is to not let the cycle stop. And when you feel like it's slowing, turn on the romance/charm again to start it back up.
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