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[quote=Anonymous]This is an interesting question. I’m more like you than your parents OP. I do feel like if I bring kids in the world then I owe them more than just the gift of life (as you mention life can be a burden too).

Neither of my parents went to college so they made my education a priory (college and much of grad school was covered although I had to take out some loans). They told me before I even became a mom that they expect I prioritize my children’s education the way they did mine. That basically education is the most important thing you can “buy” and so I very much have this mindset now as well because my education has allowed me to enter the UMC.

So I feel I “owe” my children an education*

*to the extent we are able, meaning they may need to take out loans if they decide to go private or get a very costly degree

DH and I also feel we owe them to save for our own retirement. I have seen friends take on the burden of supporting their elderly parents while trying to afford childcare for their own children and they are stretched so thin. I’m not saying people shouldn’t be involved with care in general for their parents as they grow older, but I don’t think it’s okay to expect your kids to support you financially. It’s absurd what some older people think they are owed by their children simply because they brought them into the world.

I also owe my children some of my time and energy (not all of it, I’m allowed to have hobbies and interests too!) to help them pursue interests. Not every passing fad, but I want them to explore things they may enjoy and be good at.

And then of course food, shelter, and clothing.

Things I do not owe them: designer clothes, a new car on their 16th birthday, my attention at their demand, fifty gazillion toys, every new tech gadget that comes out, vacations at five star resorts, etc. Sure they will have some of this stuff as we deem appropriate, but not because they are owed this.[/quote]

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