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[quote=Anonymous]We often split the difference (I’ll help you put on your shoes if you will go get them out of your closet, or I’ll help get the shirt over your head if you handle the sleeves, etc.).

We also try to frame it as much as possible, as us helping her figure something out. Like if she won’t clean up her room, I’ll say “Ok, I know it can be hard to get started on this so I’ll help. I think we should go the blocks first and then the books, what do you think?” And often she’ll have a strong opinion and that will get her to take the lead so I really am just helping instead of doing things for her.

If there’s a meltdown or she gets very demanding, we will, if possible, just say “Ok, then I guess we can’t do this thing.” So if she won’t put on her shoes to go to the playground, or us yelling at us to do it for her without asking nicely, we just don’t go - natural consequences.

If it’s something we have to do (get ready for school, for instance), we will step in and do things for her while also saying that while we are always here to help when she needs it, mornings will be less stressful when she feels comfortable doing more if this stuff on her own.

I generally read her requests for us to do things not as laziness but as insecurity, so I view it as my role to facilitate her independence while not shaming her for feeling unsure. There may be some laziness in there (we are all lazy sometimes) but I choose not to read it that way because then it becomes a battle over trying to “make” her do something instead of about supporting her in doing it herself. It’s just easier and less combative this way.[/quote]

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