Reply to Tips for dealing with challenging sibling as you communicate regarding elderly parent

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ugh, how awful, OP. I feel for you. I've known some people like that. How would your sister react if she saw video of your parent's problem behaviors? If your mother is still living at home, would it help to install cameras that your sibling can check when she wants? How does joint power of attorney work, can you make decisions by yourself?

The only thing I can suggest is that you force yourself to detach emotionally from both, and consider them as mental patients. This is how my husband, who is also a doctor, deals with my difficult mother: he secretly pretends she's a mentally disordered patient of his, and it helps him stay calm and polite. He already had some practice with his own father, who had bipolar disorder and was quite agitated in his last illness. Focus on the facts, marshal your arguments concisely, cite medical research, do bullet points. No emotion whatsoever. Your decision to stick to email is a very good one!

[/quote]

OP here. Thank you so much for the understanding. I have actually thought about videotaping problematic behavior, but I believe it is not legal in our state without consent and she does not want video-cameras at this point.

Yes, you are so right about detaching. I actually got a therapist to help me with this. I am so sorry for all your husband and you have been through with his family. You are so right about "no emotion" and it's easier to do with email. I actually don't know how this shared power of attorney will work down the line. I was able to convince parent to accept the help (after some tantrums from her) and she is still considered capable of consent so the issue of what happens when parent can no longer consent and sibling and I have to agree.[/quote]

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