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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]20 years of marriage, 1 kid. DH is recently (finally) diagnosed. It has been a long, difficult road with a constant need for him to control most everything, but especially finances.

Breaking point has been in the last two months, when the below were discovered. On the one hand, these could be explained by AS reasoning. On the other, the end result is so morally bankrupt, maybe I should call it and separate. [b]From an Aspie's perspective[/b], would you see how destructive these actions are or feel they are understandable?

1) For 20 years, he hid that he intended his premarital earnings to be his alone (~1.5M starting from age 30, we are 50/40 yo now), because it was too "difficult" for him to have the conversation. So he just hid it.
2) He asked me to SHP to help his career, which I agreed to because I never doubted our assets were joint. Also, "You could work, but it would be a burden to the family, etc."
3) Oops, when he realized that hiding his intent about premarital earnings was not okay, he backtracked to 50/50 and 'rebuilding trust.'
4) Then over the last two months of transparency,  I found multiple forgotten accounts (woops, my 401k there I didn't rollover, oh yeah that IRA, etc.) Total value ~200k or so.
5 Culminating in finding a hidden account that he owns with a family member. Here's where it gets crazy. He transfers money from our equities, to this co-owned with family member account and then to ours. Ostensibly, this is to cleanly categorize large dollar items (tuition, taxes, remodels, etc.), but more likely this is to control what's visible for expenses n our accounts. FWIW there is no external reason for this level of protection. We are ~6M net worth and there is no concern of either party spending inappropriately.

So what's your take? I'm a fighter for marriage, and have already stuck in longer than maybe I should have. But does this push us well past a reasonable point for NDs?

[/quote]

Id he’s transferring $ back and forth between that account while you’re married that account would become marital property. Talk to a lawyer. [/quote]

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