Reply to Siblings "marrying up" and fading away

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, this sounds very hurtful and I am sorry. But why were you dumbstruck on what to say about your sister? Her MIL was telling you how much they love her. Why not respond with "thank you, we also think she's pretty amazing"? Was your relationship very close before?[/quote]

OP here. I actually did. I said  that was very kind of her to say and we love her very much too.

Internally, I was very hurt that while she has shown us such little regard, she is able to provide her best face forward to them.

I have occasionally asked her to chip in financially to help our parents as her husband/in laws are so wealthy she is more financially secure than I am. She says she wants to "protect her husband from her messy family" and she is not responsible for our parents bad choices and it is toxic of me to ask her for money.

I have now stopped and assist my parents however I can. I am disappointed and hurt by her behavior. [/quote]

Did your parents make bad financial choices, OP? Or is your sister changing the narrative to suit herself? [/quote]

OP here. My parents never made much money and came from very poor LMC backgrounds. My mother was a home maker and my dad worked and earned a small MC income at the height of his career. He used his income and took out loans to assist us with our schooling and college costs. If he had not done that we would not have been able to go to nice private schools.

Was it financially smart for him to do that? No. Did it help us attain MC-UMC status as adults? Absolutely. I owe everything to my parents and their generosity.[/quote]

OP, plenty of us did not go to "nice private schools", just regular average publics, and still attained MC-UMC status. It sounds to me like a combination of things - your parents loved their kids and did their best, but you were raised in a high conflict home and they made poor financial choices, with their children being their retirement plan. Your sister has a right to her feelings about your parents just as you do, even if they don't align with yours.

I too have a close family member who has made poor financial choices. Unlike your sister, we have helped financially by making sure this person has a safe, albeit modest/small, place to live so they will never have to deal with homelessness or hunger. But beyond that? Not a penny. It's not my job to take from my children to enable this person's impulsiveness and shopping addiction.

If your father worked all his life, doesn't he get social security, at least? Don't they qualify for and utilize section 8 housing, food stamps, cheap/free healthcare? [/quote]

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