Reply to Would you not marry someone because you didn't like his parents?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes, I would. However, I would not marry someone who did not know how to set appropriate boundaries with his parents. (I don't think that has to mean "cut her out of his life, FWIW, but he needs to have your back).

One of the most important things a married couple needs to do is to behave like a team. You are, literally, his other half, so he needs to make it very clear that hurting you hurts him. And hurting your child? Unacceptable. A line should be drawn in the sand, then and there.

For your part, you have to be willing to take the good and the bad. But if your boyfriend can't manage it, you should not become his wife until he learns.

I'm very, very good friends with a man who is an only child and is ready to propose to a long-time girlfriend. My friend's mother is INSANE. I mean, like crazy, crazy, crazy. He was hospitalized once and the girlfriend flew all the way back from Washington state to see him in the hospital and the mom prevented her from going in without ever telling my friend his GF was there. The GF waited it out, went back then next day after her boyfriend had awoken and explicitly told nurses he wanted to see his GF. Mother told the nurses that her son was "out of his mind" and that she wanted to overrule him and continue to bar the girlfriend. When girlfriend was allowed in, the mom confronted her. Told her to "go home - that they did not want "outsiders" there interfering with their family time." and that if she couldn't go home, that I guess she could be there from 8 - 8:30 in the morning.

(BTW, my friend is 33 years old! Not a young man). Anyway, GF stuck it out, and then after my friend recovered, asked him to talk to his mom about how horrible the family treated her and I think my friend was like "yeah, I feel bad for her and all, but what can I do? They're my family." We were like say what???

Your boyfriend needs to learn to manage his family better. There is really no such thing as in-law problems (except when they do something crazy like ignore a restraining order). There are almost always spouse problems. [/quote]

VERY wise advice. I am a PP who married someone with nightmarish parents and it's a good marriage still a decade later, but if he hadn't learned to set boundaries the marriage would have imploded. Before he could do that well every fight was about them and I have a long list of physical ailments I blame them for before DH put the kabosh on their nastiness.[/quote]

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