Reply to I'd like to hear from anyone who's happy to have decided to give up on their parents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I havent cut them out completely but I keep them at a distance.  My family is in denial.  We have serious issues that need to be resolved, yet they want to pretend we are a happy family.  We are not.   [b]For my own sanity I had to give up on the dream that our relationship is going to be different which makes me sad. [/b] 
Please protect your son from them.  Do not send him to their house alone.  [/quote]

Hi OP.  The part I bolded is what I heard you saying in your first post, and is something I can definitely relate to.  I had other issues with my parents: my mom was a single parent who put food in the fridge, but did no other parenting.  My father was emotionally abusive.  After college, I realized I was hurting so much because I, too, couldn't get over that dream of wanting something from my parents that they just couldn't give.  I finally said enough, that I wouldn't do that to myself, because it was making me a person I didn't want to be.  When I finally "forgave" my parents for who they are, my outlook changed.  Suddenly I was able to focus on the life I wanted to live, my way.  Also, they picked up on my not needing them anymore, and they changed.  My dad is like a completely new person with me, and while it's never going to be where I'd love it to be, I accept what he can give.  The same with my mom.

I sort of hesitate to tell you that part because I don't want to give you a rosy ending, which may not work for you.  Let your son be your motivation, do it for your son.  Instead of wishing for the parents you never had, and never will, BE the parent you want to be for your son.  You can make a family too; they don't need to be blood relatives.

Life is a struggle every day, but there's lots of good here.  I noticed another poster mentioned that you may need a new therapist, and after reading your post I felt the same.  Could you try someone new?

You need to hear that it's okay to lead the life you want to live without feeling guilty.  Free yourself.  Be well.

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