Reply to I'd like to hear from anyone who's happy to have decided to give up on their parents

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[quote=Anonymous]I know my parents will never change. When I've tried to talk openly about things that were done or said, or not, they become offended and begin arguing with me, telling me what an ungrateful daughter I am.

I have a mom who has told a story to me all of my life about how she didn't realize she was pregnant again, after having my sister 3 months prior. She thought she was getting fat and went to the doctor who informed her she was pregnant. So all my life, since I was a kid, I've heard the message that I wasn't planned. I think my mom should have aborted, but it wasn't easy to get then. 
She also has told me that by the time I was born, she figured out she shouldn't come running whenever a baby cried so she just let me cry from day 1.  My dad was largely absent during my childhood because of his hours of work, then when my mother went away for a few months for vacation on her own, when I was around 13, took the opportunity to get close with inappropriate fondling. There is more but suffice to say I am messed up. I would say this is in the past but she continues to be critical, unsupportive, hurtful, self absorbed, my father the same. I don't enjoy being with them, I only visit when they ask to see my son which is about every 2 months. They live 45 min away but aren't interested in seeing him more often and aren't available to help out.  I make bad choices in men including the one I married and am on my own with my son.

Worse, I am in therapy and while it has helped some areas, I still feel the sting of their criticism and lack of support. I can't get past it. It seems the only thing that would help is if one day they would acknowledge me, let me know that I mattered to them. They've never told me they loved me or were glad I was their daughter. I get that I was largely a burden and still am. The only thing that would make this even worse is if I mess up as a mother and my son grows up feeling the way I do and is as messed up as I am. He is one big reason why I choose to be around. I am careful to make sure he doesn't ever realize that, because that is a big burden, and I am doing my best to make sure he feels loved and is wanted. But I can understand how Andrea Yates could make the decision she did. I wouldn't want my son to grow up without me, but there are many days when I wish I did not have to live.

I feel better when I am not around them and I think for my sanity I need to just get them out of my life for good.  On the other hand I feel guilty about not allowing my son to get to know his grandparents, and guilty about rejecting my parents. It's completely against my culture. If I could send my son to them without having to interact with them, I would but he's only 6.

I'd like to hear from anyone who made a decision to cut their parents out of their lives, and how that has turned out. I am on antidepressants and I think my therapist is good. I am really trying to not be upset by my parents behavior but I can't. I think I just need to get the courage to cut them out.[/quote]

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