Reply to dealing with a friend's jealous streak

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[quote=Anonymous]I've really had to think about this over the years of my life, OP.  I was always taught to be a good friend, but never taught how to *choose* good friends.  I wanted to teach my DDs to choose wisely, too.  I'm 55 now, and this is where I settled:

A "True" friend is not competitive with you.  A True friend is protective of you.  And actively protective, not passive.

This is how you find out if your friend is True:  You wait, over time, for something good to happen to you, or something bad to happen to you.

When something good happens to you:  Who is cheering for you, who is jealous, and who has suddenly disappeared?

When something bad happens to you:  Who is helping you up, who is smirking with Schadenfreude, and who has suddenly disappeared?

I know there are great qualities about your friend, which is why you are friends in the first place.  But you need to realize that she is not a "true" friend.  Her own limitations (which are, competativeness which creates jealousy) is stopping the two of you from becomming true friends, and that is not going to change.  So enjoy her for who she is, in the full recognition of who she is and who she is not.  Don't delude yourself that she is not competitive, so you can just accept that you must keep some distance to protect yourself.

And with that clarity, you can open up a little space for someone else to enter your life, who may end up being a true friend.

HTH, OP.[/quote]

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