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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it’s great you are asking why you feel this way and what you can do about it. My own mother used to yell at me for stuff like that all the time and I have some very awful memories of it, and it contributed to very low self esteem as an adult. So just the fact that you’re aware and trying to fix is great.

The first thing I would say is that while some of this sounds like anxiety behavior (the repetition), some of this sounds like just normal annoying kid behavior. Especially the squeaky high pitched voice! That’s just something kids do that can be grating! My DD likes to pretend to be a cat and it’s not driven by anxiety at all, but it’s hella annoying, especially when she refuses to talk and just meows at us. But I’ll come back to that.

The repetition of asking you permission for this does sound like anxiety. One thing about kid anxiety: in younger kids, it’s almost always anxiety about their relationship with their parents (does mom like me? Do I have a place in this world? Are they proud of me? Do they like me less than my brother?). So yes, snapping at her in that setting won’t help. In fact it will make it worse, because she will think “Mom said yes to the treat but she seems mad at me? Why is she mad at me? Does she love me?”

So I would suggest training yourself to change up your interaction. When the repetition starts, turn your FULL attention to her. Pause making dinner, close your laptop, etc. Then pour some love into your response. Instead of “I said Yes!” try “Of course you can, that sounds great.” Even though you are feeling annoyed, show her your love. Demonstrate your affection for her, which will reassure her that you love her and that things are copacetic between you. That should short circuit some of the repetition. Or if she’s smothering the cat, say “I love how much you love Mr. Snugglebutt! You guys are quite the pair!” Train yourself to set aside your annoyance long enough to show love, approval, pride. That’s what she needs. That should help her anxiety.

But also, cut yourself some slack. Kids are annoying sometimes. And when she’s being annoying, you can deal with it by taking a break from them or asking politely for them to stop. And I mean very politely, since your kid is anxious and will probably be sensitive to too much criticism. Like “Larla, I love what great care you are taking of Mr. Snugglebutt, but it looks like he might be ready for a break. Can you give him some space for a bit? We all need space, even kitties.” Like really gentle and no snapping. And when possible, just remove yourself from the room. If the behavior is just annoying and not linked to anxiety, you should be able to just walk away from it do you can take a break. Just don’t shame your kid when you do it. But you can take breaks! You deserve them. Parenting is hard.[/quote]

+1 great advice here
Also, look up drbeckyathome on IG. She offers great parenting scripts that gently and firmly demonstrate love while setting boundaries. I think you might find them relevant to the situations you are describing here OP! Also, I feel you! Best of luck. Curiosity about your unconscious reaction is the first step to real and meaningful change! Believe in you![/quote]

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