Reply to How to support spouse when their parent likely doesn’t have much time left

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[quote=Anonymous]Managing the home front is the best thing you can do. Helping children with the emotional burden of losing a grandparent. Finding an outlet for your problems outside of your spouse for awhile also helps. You will get frustrated, overwhelmed, upset- and all those emotions are ok and valid, but not to be shared with your spouse. Be ready to handle some outbursts from your spouse that are not fair- don't be a doormat, but be empathetic and understanding of where it is coming from. Encourage therapy. NO matter what age you are, losing a parent is hard.  And a spouse is not always equipped to be a therapist. Plan a few different "nights off" for your spouse- whether alone, with friends, family, date night, etc.

The hardest thing for me wasn't my spouse. It was the resentment that built up for my sisters-in-law.  DH did most of the heavy lifting, the in-person support, the financial support, etc. His sisters were too far, didn't have extra money to spare, had years of emotions relating to their dad. I understood to some extent- but that also left DH with the burden and a feeling that he was the only one and so he had to do everything. There was a lot of baggage that had to be dealt with in our situation, and caregiving wasn't fair or equitable in any way. Sometimes that is just the way it goes- but therapy helped DH deal with those emotions. I didn't do any therapy for this- but I did talk to a lot of friends, crowd source some of my emotions for a reality check, read up on this type of family dynamic, etc.[/quote]

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