Reply to How would you feel if your adult child wrote you a letter about their traumas from childhood?

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[quote=Anonymous]It would depend on what they are describing in the letter. If their issue with me stems from me not hugging them enough or I would speak to them plainly that maybe they weren't pretty enough to be a model and they should focus on school rather than their looks to get them through life I would be ashamed that I raised my child with no insight into how easy their life is and I would tell them to buck up and if they had faced actual adversity in their life they would be ashamed to send a letter like that to me.

In my opinion we all have moment or events we remember as children that we feel out parents were not up to snuff and they in that moment were behaving like a bad parent. That is true for all people. Once we become adults its our responsibility to gain perspective and understand that our parents are people with failings and sometimes they will hurt us unintentionally. These feelings are best worked through with a therapist not with a passive aggressive letter to your mother like a hormonal teenager.

However if they are describing actual abuse or neglect I would think differently. For example if I had a horrible drinking problem, were verbally/ physically abusive and you denied them basic parental affection I would try to understand where they are coming from and try to have a face to face conversation with them to air all the grievances that are still standing between us. This is assuming I have worked through my problems and I am mentally prepared to absolve my past sins. [/quote]

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