Reply to How did it feel when a parent died that you cut contact with?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I mean....maybe you should still send a birthday card and Christmas card and call her a few times a year. You might feel better doing that.[/quote]

Spoken like someone who has never experienced the level of abuse OP has probably had to deal with.

OP, my mother stopped talking to her parents many years before their deaths and I don’t think she has any regrets.

I think most of the grieving already happened. I found out my grandmother died only when I mindlessly googled her name during a conference call. I used to do that about every year or two when I’d think of her (I never met her).  Therefore, I was the one to break the news to my mom that her mother had passed away. She sounded mildly sad about it, but definitely didn’t seem like she had regrets.

Much harder for my mother was dealing with the lifetime of after effects caused by her severely abusive childhood.

I wish your peace, OP. It will be okay. It is okay to let her go. [/quote]

How did you find out? Obituary?

Thanks for chiming in. 
Sounds like a similar situation and I’m sure your mom protected you from it. [/quote]

Yes, I found the obituary.  I think that was exactly what it was.  My mother had a few visits with her mother when I was less than 6 months old, but I think they ended when my mother realized that her mother was never going to change.  I think she was really afraid of her mother -- who was a master manipulator, in addition to being quite abusive -- getting in between my mother and me.  The other thing that helped my mom make the break was my father.  My father was on no level afraid of my mother's parents and he wasn't interested in their crap.  My maternal grandfather was a cop, but so was my father.  My father always carried his weapon and he was not afraid of his ILs one bit, facts that he made that quite clear to both of them.  Looking back on it, I think my father's attitude towards my mother's parents was a lot of what drew my mother to my father.[/quote]

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