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[quote=Anonymous]I was estranged from my mother for 12 years before she died. Yes it hurt very much, and I very much regretted the estrangement, but it was a requirement of me avoiding suicide.

My parents had made it clear in words and actions that the conditions of a continued relationship with them were that I would continue to be subject to and respectfully tolerate the same kind of mental and verbal abuse that I had respectfully tolerated for 30 years, all the while it was crushing my soul. They had zero insight and zero motivation to change anything about their deeply toxic emotionally immature parenting.

So, the pain and the regret you will feel when your estranged parent dies is for the permanent closing of the door on the cherished fantasy you hold that someday, somehow they will see you and accept you and truly love you for who you are - and be able to express that love.

There is grief in becoming an orphan, whatever the status of your relationship with the parent - it’s just different kinds of grief.

I wish you as much peace in your heart as you are able to find, whatever you decide. [/quote]

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