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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Spouse has adult child (early/mid 20s) from previous marriage who has some special needs and has been unable to launch independently. We are currently supporting child living expenses at 1k/month, split with other bio parent. we have, over the years, spent much much more on various programs (30k in some years), attempts to help, etc. now child wants to try another professional development program (or other parent wants child to try it) which will increase costs again, by another 1k or more a month. Here's the question I have: what is our continued obligation, financially and morally? our combined net worth is probably around 10% -20% of other parent's, and we are in 50s.  More than half of that is from me; we also have other children who will be facing college in a handful of years and that is far from being funded. Currently 1k a month is about what we can handle.  Other bio parent's net worth is significantly higher, owns several homes including a recent multimillion dollar purchase, has a partner but no other children. Currently both my spouse and other parent make similar incomes, but other parent used to make 6-7x my spouse for years, hence the financial discrepancy. The proposal from here on out is that adult child's expenses are split 50/50 (according to income), not to overall net worth. I think it should be the latter. We are struggling right now with expenses ailing parents in care, etc and this is another dent in what should be retirement savings or college savings. Spouse and I rarely disagree about money but spouse is also basically financially illiterate and doesn't want any conflict with ex. [/quote]

First off, I wouldn't look at this as the other bio parents has more $ so they should pay more.

That said, I think you and your spouse have to decide what obligation you have. What are the special needs? Like ADHD? Or developmental issues that legitimately prevent them from being independent.

If you think or know the other parent is pushing this new professional development program and you're not on board or don't think it will help, say no. Or say yes to this and then set a limit/boundary upon completion of the program. Will your spouse feel guilty? Probably, but if you're in your mid-50's you need to get real about what you can realistically do here financially for the long term.

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