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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Please help and no judgement. I already know I’m a terrible person however I’m trying to find out why and make it right. The story is that I have never had a great relationship with my stepdaughter. I’ve have been an absolutely awful stepmother. I have made life hell for her, her mom and my husband. To this day I don’t know why my husband sticks around. I am nice to SDD but mean in my ways, for example I cause a huge fight everything she comes over. If DH is talking to her on the phone I get this feeling of immediate anger and will start a banging things or start an argument with him. I’m so  confused by my behavior because I like SDD a lot. She is sweet and is respectful. I would love to embrace her and welcome her in to our home. I would love to be a good stepmother to her and just be a good person to her. [b]I have no idea why I’m behaving this way[/b]. How do I work on this? How do I get past this feeling of anger?How do I add to her life instead of being this hurdle for her. She is 24 and hasn’t had an easy life and I know that I can help make her life so much better. What can I do to open my heart to her. [/quote]

You need to figure this out, OP, and it may be difficult to do because it will involve some serious self examination and perhaps reliving things in your own life, seemingly unrelated, that are subconsciously driving this irrational, destructive behavior.

On the other hand, what you can also do is take responsibility for your actions and forget your "feelings." Just be nice to her. That's it. It doesn't matter how you feel or if you're angry. Separate the two and act responsibly, even if you don't feel that way. For example, if she is on the phone with your husband and you feel angry and want to bang things around - just don't do it. Put down the pan or book or whatever it is you're throwing. Just don't do it. Control your actions, no matter how you feel.[/quote]

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