Reply to What if your kid's a shoplifter

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My 15 yo DD was caught shoplifting in a large store last year by store security.  They saw her shoplifting once, let it go and then she went back in and did it again.  Her grandmother was sitting outside the store while she did it.  I received a call from the police informing me about it and they released my DD to her grandmother who took her home.  They did not press any charges but did ban her from the mall for a year. She got lucky but you can believe I've hammered home how she would be viewed by potential employers (including parents who want her to babysit) if this became public.

My DD is a classic 'good girl'.  While I was surprised by it, I wasn't shocked and was not in denial about it.  We came down hard on her - no electronics for 3 months and no non-school/sports activities.  In my discussion with DD, it became clear that she was experiencing some mental health challenges and shoplifting gave her a rush - a rush that she liked.  She was also flippant about it being wrong.  I spoke to our 'family psychiatrist' about it (I also have kids with SN and have worked with a psychiatrist and psychologist for years) who indicated that in many social circles shoplifting is 'normalized' and not considered a big deal.  Again, I've hammered home how a thieves are viewed.  It hit home at the time but I have no doubt that, as is typical with many teens, the lesson will have to be learned again and again.

DD wanted to speak to a counselor to help her with her mental health struggles and I am completely on board.  It was a struggle to find a good one (forget about being in-network) but I did and, in consultation with the counselor, DD started on an SSRI that has really helped.  She puts a lot of pressure on herself, school is a powder keg and she struggles with good choices.  She's testing some boundaries (stupidly, of course) and when she gets caught, there are consequences.  Having the counselor has been helpful for both of us because she needs to feel the weight of those consequences but I also need to balance them with what helps her mental health.  for example, having no access to electronics during the period of self-isolation is really too isolating.  She needs to have social interactions.  So, after discussing it with her counselor, I allow her X amount of time per day on her phone/computer.  But, I require all of those interactions to be in the public areas of the house.  We've also have had to make alternate community service arrangements.  
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One excuse after another. Zero accountability. Expect the bad behavior and worse to continue. Shocked how many parents are so flippant their children are engaging in criminal behavior. [/quote]

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