Reply to How do I tell DW that her weight is a problem?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Over the past few years, DW has put on quite a bit of weight.  Probably 30-40 pounds.  At first, I tried to be understanding about it, but over time, it has caused me to start to feel resentment.  It is very unappealing to me, both physically and from the standpoint that I think letting yourself go does not reflect well on a person.  How do I deal with this in a gentle manner?[/quote]

So... she doesn't exist to visually please you and I think you need to reframe your thoughts on her weight gain, or she will certainly pick up on the contempt you have for her (if she hasn't already). How does she feel about her weight gain? Has she talked about it?

If you bring it up, you can't focus on how she looks or weight and expect a positive response. One thing you could try would be to say to her that [i]you[/i] want to get healthier and would love her help and support in eating better and not having junk snacks, and drinking less if you think a lot of the calories are coming from there. If you 'both' work on eating healthier, it may help her lose weight while being something you can do together.

If you make her feel safe and not judged she may also open up to you about what is going on with her weight, like depression or not having the time to exercise or cook. If she does, you can also offer to take the kids if she wants to go for a walk/run/do a workout video/post-covid go to the gym or support her to talk to a therapist. You also have to accept she might say she is happier at her current weight and then you decide if you can happily live with that.[/quote]

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