Reply to What purpose does this silent treatment serve?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s attention seeking. Just because it’s not working doesn’t mean it’s not seeking.  It’s immature but, as you point out, she doesn’t have a lot of people in her life paying attention to her and so if she’s feeling that need she has to try to get it from somewhere and you’re her only source.

I would do what you’re doing and let her know you’re giving her space so she can’t write a narrative in her mind about how you’re neglecting her.  Then when things are good (not when she’s doing this because you can’t reward this behavior) try to do something that demonstrates you’re “paying attention” like send her a book you read you think she’d like and talk about it, or (post Covid) go do something different together like a lecture or a hike.  Hopefully if her bucket is a little more full, she’ll stop looking for negative ways to fill it.

Also, caretaking is hard and thankless and it is also *your* dad, so maybe consider whether there’s respite care or another way to get her a break?[/quote]

I disagree with this. I know if you google it people say "ohhhhh it's abuse" or it's for attention. The people where I need to just stop looking are texts or emails are people who would flip out if I said "I need a break. I am finding what you say offends me and I need to figure out why." I can say that to my husband and he's totally cool, but there are people who compulsively call or texts and I just need space. Also, I have a relative I have never liked who I only kept in touch with to please family. I finally decided not worth it I have enough going on. When I kept saying "no" to her requests for favors she would guilt trip and be annoying. When I didn't respond to any more photos of her kids where she brags about her superior parenting she gets on my case. I am just sick of engaging. I blocked everything. It has been years and It's just so lovely. She had older relatives come after me and I just I am really busy. We have never been close and the only way to get peace is to just go totally silent.[/quote]

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