Reply to Really dumb, naive question about affairs and why people hide them

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[quote=Anonymous]I get why people have affairs for the most part. But the hiding them is less clear to me. I guess I just figure if my husband, well, doesn't respect or love me enough not to cheat, why bother hiding it? Why not just leave? Or since we really can't afford to sell the house, just walk up and slap me in the face and say, "hey, I'm sleeping with someone else. What are you gonna do since I know you don't want to split custody and see the kids less and I know you don't want to sell our house."

Is it the excitement of keeping a secret? The just wanting it both ways (the security of marriage and the excitement of sex with someone else?).

I realize it is different for most people, I guess I just would like people who have BTDT to share. FWIW I did suspect my husband may be cheating, though now I am less concerned (I don't think he is/did. Instead I think he is depressed and he has finally started counseling and finally, for the love of god, started opening up to me about some reasons why, which are so clear to me after listening to him. And frankly, logistically, I don't see how he would have pulled it off. All of his times apart from me checked out and it wouldn't have taken a network of friends and colleagues working with him to deceive me which is a little far-fetched. So don't think I am naive enough to think my marriage is affair-proof. It is not. Just that I went down this road and came to a different conclusion).

But honestly, when I was going through my paranoia I did think, why hide it?  [/quote]

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