Reply to How to raise really honorable boys / men

Forum Index » Tweens and Teens

Reply to "How to raise really honorable boys / men"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]Right there with you and my son just turned 14.   He went from a sweet little kind boy who always stood up for the little guy to a PITA jerk (at times, not always).   It's his own insecurity that's fueling that.   He always felt he had to be the best at something to have worth (best swimmer, best baseball player, best pianist, whatever) and can't see how false that is.

So he's been a jerk online.  Mean to other kids in video games.   (not much to report in person yet due to COVID).  But then he can be utterly sweet and gallant, and he recently ran into exactly what you are talking about.  A girl in his class snapchatted nudes to her "boyfriend" and he spread them all over school.  She ended up transferring.   He was a kind and patient ear for her to vent to, and advised her to find an adult she trusted to speak to (she doesn't get along with her mother).  AND he told me, because he was concerned.  I praised him to the hilt and told him how mature he was, and how proud I was of him. (I hope the positive feedback encourages more of the same).

So that bit about finding a trusted adult she could turn to?  That's a conversation I've had with him since he was in elementary school.  That I understand he may not always want to tell Dad and Mom something, but if he has other trusted adults in his life, he can always go to them.

So I really think what we tell them and how we guide them matter.  And keep saying it.   We've had multiple talks about consent and how a girl could change her mind right in the middle of everything.  Or how she may want one thing but not another, and he needs to respect that, just like she needs to respect that from him.     And told him yet again this is why I don't want him having casual sex, but rather in a trusting, respectful relationship.  He and his partner are much less likely to get their signals crossed in the heat of the moment if they have an established relationship.   And we've discussed how he's at risk if he has casual sex and the girl says he did something against her will.   I have worked with rape crisis counselors in the past, and they tell me how the rapists often truly believe that the sex was consensual.  There is a huge communication disconnect in many date rape-type cases, and that's what scares me the most.   That my son may genuinely believe a girl is consenting, and she absolutely knows she is not.  :(

We talk and talk and talk.  Is it a guarantee they will be good men?  Nope.   But it's the best I can think of right now.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics