Reply to Staying together for kids, do you plan for future?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't understand why people say staying together is a bad idea where there is no animosity or yelling and just a drifting apart.  I may consider splitting up once kids are out of the house just so we can each find joy for our second act.  But I love providing an intact family for my kids.  Even if we split, spouse and I will still be on good terms.[/quote]

I agree. I think for women in particular, there is an ability to see your life in seasons, and you could easily even enjoy the season of [b]your life as a family living together, while also looking forward to a different season where you will be alone. You could create a happy and fulfilling family life with family vacations, togetherness, even sex and intimacy with your partner, but then look forward to independence and solitude after your children are grown. [/b]

But women tend to be planners (we are shoved into it young no matter what, so we get good at it). Men are much more likely to just float from one major life event to the next, and thus I think would be much more scared of this idea. They are more likely to become wholly reliant on their partners for all their life planning, and to struggle with a transition to empty nesting and retirement. So I think it would be difficult to get two partners on the same page with this idea. On the other hand, since men don't tend to plan anyway, it would be easy to go through the motions with this kind of partner, as they would likely ask very few questions about your plans after the kids leave.[/quote]

It would make no sense to divorce then or plan to divorce. and I say this as someone who says staying for the kids is a bad idea. If you still have intimacy with a husband and family time, then no, you should not divorce. But if it affectionless and empty, then divorce.[/quote]

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