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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH just got a job offer in NYC. I’m a SAHM of 3 kids. I am from NY and want to move back. The money is better but DH will definitely have longer hours and a much longer commute. He currently has a 15-20 min commute now, even with traffic 30-40 min max. If we moved to NY, DH doesn’t want to live in the city so his commute would be an hour. He doesn’t think we can go from a large single family house with family room, basement and large yard to a 3 bedroom apartment in the city.

Would you move back to NY?

My family and friends live in NY. I feel like I want to move back for my own selfish reasons but not sure if it would be best for DH and the kids.[/quote]

I would not give up a 20 min commute for an hour commute. He'd be giving up an hour and 20 minutes of his day, every day. That's soul crushing. There's some good research on this:

https://www.inc.com/minda-zetlin/commute-times-unhappiness-carpooling-productivity.html

Plus you're pairing it with longer days? No dice. If you really need the money, or it's a big career advancement opportunity that he's excited about, or if it was short term MAYBE I'd consider it - but for a bit more money and so you can be near friends and family doesn't seem worth it at all. [/quote]

Same. Commute is such a big consideration in one’s mental health. And if it was you taking the hit I would say it’s mostly your choice but to ask somebody else to do it who doesn’t really want to seems like setting your marriage up for some resentment, perhaps.

And as for kids: happy parents are best for kids, no matter the location. [/quote]

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