Reply to MIL problem (AGAIN!).... re. nursing home/decision making...

Forum Index » Off-Topic

Reply to "MIL problem (AGAIN!).... re. nursing home/decision making..."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]Thanks everyone (OP here). It is hard for me to talk to her because she does not understand me well - my accent/her hearing problem, and I don't understand her well because she insists in talking with me in Italian. I remind her I do not speak Italian, she apologizes (in English) and moves on to keep talking in Italian...so I just nod and smile.

Besides, in all honesty, I think that is the kind of discussion that my husband must have with her.... Today he went there again and explained to her that we won't be able to visit her often at all because of the distance and costs, but she replied that she is ok with it "we all must make sacrifices."

I am in a conundrum here... at the same time I think this is a TERRIBLE decision because in fact she will "die alone" away from her family, her reasons to move are valid one, or at least I recognize they are valid for her. She has deep religious feelings and thinks that by moving to a place run by nuns/catholic church, she will be closer to God. She told my husband today she doesn't thing this place where she is right now doesn't "meet her spiritual needs" (some like that)... they do have a mass/communion once a week, but apparently that is not enough. I think she is misguided in thinking it will be better at the Vincentian home regarding this aspect, even because I doubt the nuns are the ones taking care of the residents hand on... they are only running the place. But, in the other hand, it is likely most residents will be catholic like her, and also probably there will be a lot of Italians around due to the community immigration background.

She has lived alone for the past 30 years with very few friends and although we have been asking her to move to our area, she never wanted to... so I think she is kind of used to be alone, and that is why for her it is an easy decision.

At the same time, she has difficulties talking on the phone (so, even phone contact will be hard), she is really losing her mind slowly so I am not sure how this move will work out. I barely slept last night worried about the whole thing and I already told my husband to talk with her doctor to assess her mental state officially and maybe look to take her guardianship... but then, I am sure she would look for a lawyer and at her age, is it worth? I mean, how this kind of thing play out in courts? Again, we don't have the resources for a long battle in court and also dont' want her to end up destitute because of that without the mean to provide for herself.

And talking about money/being taken advantage of.... I am a little bit worried about this "friend" of hers... Call it gut feeling or whatever, but the way he is involving himself in this whole situation, really enabling her antics is very strange to me. I mean, he KNOWS she is not completely sane because he heard some of her delusions, and at the same time, he believes her when she says the place is dirty, she is alone and not being taken care of... he believes of pretends to believe.

We had some relatives come to visit her last weekend (her nephew and his wife and son) and they had the opportunity to see the place first hand and how she is being taken care of, and they were really well impressed.... and like us, they went there during odd times, without calling in advance, so, it is not like the employers there make some kind of theater to show to families. We have been there at the most odd hours and we never had a problem.

This friend, has never been here to visit her, and yet, call us to say things like "X, I just talked to your mother and she said you haven't been there this week and she is very lonely... so if you could go there I would appreciate (!!!)" that when we had gone there the past 3 days in a row, including the day he called.

The other day he called my MIL while my husband was there and after talking to her he talked to my husband and said: "Oh, I am really glad you are there visiting your mother" (!!!) WTF! And he had the face to thank us for taking care of her (!) - REALLY?!  He is also an only child and his mother is also 90, but lives in Italy. Apparently she is in much better health condition than my MIL, but she had some sort of stroke a couple of weeks ago - why doesn't he get in a plane and go stay with his mother/take care of her and live us alone?!

Anyways... I am getting off the topic, but honestly, I just need to vent too.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics