Reply to MIL problem (AGAIN!).... re. nursing home/decision making...

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[quote=Anonymous]So, my MIL decided she REALLY wants to go live "with the nuns" 5 hours away from here. My husband is her only child and besides him, she has a sister who lives in CA and one who live in Florence/IT. She is 90, is slowing losing her mind but does have moments of clarity ... it is more like she is sane and has moments of insanity/delirium/conspiracy theories.

She has been living in her assisted living community for the past 8 weeks and has always complained (but she is a complainer by nature, so, nothing new there). She also started lying to us and friends over the phone - told friends of her that she "rarely see us" (!), that the place is dirty, and that they don't like her... Her son visits her every other day (sometimes everyday, even if briefly) on weekdays and we all visit her every day on weekends... she lives only 2 miles away from us (actually, less than 2 miles).  She loves seeing her granddaughter (my toddler) and giving her chocolate and showing her off in the community. She also lies to us, saying they charge her for everything (we know it is not true because we are the ones paying the bills) - today at the halloween party she told us to not eat the food because it would cost $100.00 (!!).

Anyway, after the Halloween party, she asked my husband to play her voicemail and we heard this friend of hers (he is around 60 and also from IT) message in Italian saying he got in touch with the Vincentian (sp?) home and they have availability to her and that they will get in touch with her...

So, she has decided to move back to her city, which is 5 hours away and has asked the help of this friend. My husband called him and told him he was very disappointed he acted this away in his back, and that he should have at least told him his mother asked for this. My husband is distressed because he feels his mother is "abandoning him" (!!!!) and honestly, I think he doesn't like the thought of his mother dying alone....

I am sure this friend will visit her at least once a week, and maybe her other (2, maybe 3) friends will visit once very two months or so.... but we won't be able to. We don't have the time or resources to travel 5 hours and stay in a hotel with the frequency this kind of situation would require...
She has asked again to live with us but we REALLY don't have the space, nor the resources to take care of her - she has severe remauthoids arthrists, is wheelchair bound, severe hearing loss, cataracts in both eyes, incontinence, needs help getting in/out of bed, bathing and dressing. She only doesn't need help eating (so far).[/quote]

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