Reply to Mother was smothering and critical at same time -- what is that called?

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Reply to "Mother was smothering and critical at same time -- what is that called?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why does it matter?  Your mother is controlling, but who cares?  Why would you want a diagnosis from a bunch of stay at home moms who majored in English and believe them over a therapist?  [/quote]

So I can read up on how others dealt with it and maybe help my sister untangle from it. It’s a bloody mess, she worships my mom and yet I think her DPD and depression are exacerbated by her.  [/quote]

I am not a therapist, but if you are looking to read up on dynamics like this and how they affect not only our sister but you, as well as to better understand why your mom is like this, I recommend the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. If you get something out of it, you might share it with your sister as well. When I read it, it was like reading my own life story. It clarified so many things that had always bothered me and made it so much easier to do the work I needed to do in therapy.

As others have noted, your mom/sister dynamic might be categorized as enmeshment. My parents are deeply enmeshed with my older siblings and while it has not been as destabilizing for them as for your sister, it has been helpful for me to understand the dynamic better so that I don't get drawn into their dynamic. I don't view it as my job to intervene or fix their relationship, but now at least it doesn't impact me in the same way and I can detach or distance myself as necessary.[/quote]

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