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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It was terrible, and I still have a hard time not believing that I’m responsible for others’ behavior. Plus I think I have kind of perpetuated the cycle. DH says he feels like there is a lot he can’t say because he doesn’t know how I will react to it; he feels like he has to walk on eggshells around me.

But I have worked a lot on my anxiety and I am on meds, so I think it’s getting better. We have a good relationship and I’m a decent parent because he is patient with me and I have committed to be calm around my kids. I don’t yell but I do get irritated, and they feel like they are responsible for my irritation. I have tried to explain that they aren’t and have pointed out that my reactions depend on my mood, not their behavior, so hopefully that will sink in.

But I still feel like I have a better relationship with DH and my kids than a lot of posters here. I never yell and I cultivate emotional closeness with my family. I work hard on it, maybe in part because I know how awful it was living with my mom who yelled and just seemed too caught up in her own emotions to be there as a good parent.

Also I would consider divorcing your husband, honestly. I know that it’s soooo complicated and I don’t know what the right decision is or what your circumstances are, but his behavior is emotionally abusive to your kids. My parents divorced and the time spent with my dad was a good respite from my mom. And he was careful not to say anything bad about her, so it was easy to still love her despite everything. [/quote]

But if divorce, the child is then alone with the angry parent and without all the grown-up skills to protect themselves.[/quote]

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