Reply to My kid told me I’m a “sh***y mom”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would say any mom who cared for a child through cancer and managed to get one with severe SNs the help he needs, all the while with a selfish jerk of a DH is not a crappy mom at all, but could very well be a seriously traumatized one. [/quote]

NP: can you say more about this?[/quote]

PP here. OP blames herself for not being "nurturing" and "not a good mother" but the very facts of her post belie that. A bad mother doesn't nurse a child through cancer and does not get a child with severe SNs the help he needs. She's the opposite of a bad mother; she has done more and harder things than many mothers will ever face. (And that's not even considering the jerky DH.) Basically the facts of the situation show OP has severely distorted thinking.

So why the distorted thinking? Lots of reasons possible, but I think trauma or possibly even lingering PTSD from the grueling and terrifying years prior to now could be a possibility. It's not unusual for parents of severely ill children to have significant associated trauma. It is also, it must be noted, not unusual for siblings to also experience trauma.

I think that OP needs to show herself a little grace and care and kindness as a start, and work on recognizing that she has distorted thinking. I think she should work with a counselor experienced in grief and severely ill children. And then, she needs to give her DD the same grace and help and kindness, and maybe her DH too, who may be coping badly in his own way.

OP has been through trauma, and so has the rest of the family. The way to move forward is to recognize that first, not to focus first on a bad day from a little girl. [/quote]

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