Reply to May be at the end of secondary infertility journey with no second child. Advice?

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[quote=Anonymous]I am 40 with one child (age 3). We were on the fence about having another but decided to go for it a little over a year ago. Secondary infertility (no issues with the first child). We were not surprised given our ages (DH is 43) but were determined. We did fertility meds, waited it out, still nothing. We started the process for IVF. First round no viables. Scheduled second round. Covid. So we postponed. Rescheduled, second round, still no viables. We took the second disappointment pretty hard. Decided to take a break and stop thinking about it for a while.

Now we are talking about it and thinking about stopping. We haven't exhausted options. But with all the tumult of this year, we are questioning whether to continue. I feel truly torn.

I love our DD. I have loved getting to spend so much extra time all three of us together this year. I also feel really overwhelmed a lot of the time because, while TTC, we have skipped daycare to limit exposure, so have been WFH and taking care of DD with some help from my mom. Some days I think "There is no way I could do this with two, what are we thinking?" And others I think "I love her so much, I really want to bring another person into this family." I also have major hormone-linked baby fever, and some days it's all I can do not to stare at photos of DD when she was a baby, or shop for maternity/baby clothes, or think about names. I mostly keep myself from it, but sometimes I spiral and feel desperate and overwhelmed.

I am not sure I'm up for more disappointment. Because of my age, even if we go the donor route, there are no guarantees. Money is finite and our insurance only covers some of the process.

I think we could be very happy as a three-person family. But I worry about my DD's isolation as an only -- we do not have a ton of extended family (and that we do have, we don't have the most amazing relationships with). And I also worry I'll always wonder if I should have stuck it out a little longer. Or if I allowed the challenge of Covid to make this seem harder than it actually is. I feel so drained and am worried I am just giving up, rather than making a choice.

Has anyone been through this? Do you have any advice? How did you know it was time to focus on the child/ren you have and stop trying for another?[/quote]

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