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[quote=Anonymous]Mom of twins, from donor eggs.

I started talking to them about it as soon as they were verbal. It was important for me to get used to talking about it in a way that celebrated how much they were wanted, without a whiff of sadness or shame.

I bring it up intentionally sometimes, just to make sure it's part of our family's story and not something dramatic or weird or a big secret.

As they've gotten older I've been more specific, or answered any questions they have. The level of detail I give, or full context, is evolving with their age. They turned 9 this year and I've started talking about how they have genetic half-siblings out there, and that the woman who donated her eggs is willing to be contacted by them when they turn 18.

I am the one who has issues with it, because of all the predictable/human stuff about feeling inadequate or ashamed, but I am determined that they will not have any of that baggage. So me being open about it since they were born has been critical to my ability to contextualize it for them.

Me being able to talk about it well also takes away the power of secrecy from anyone else who knew we used donor eggs. We have family members who I would never be able to trust with a big secret, so being able to talk about how we became parents means we don't have to dedicate time/energy/stress/emotion to keeping secrets.

It was hard for me in the beginning, but now it seems like an afterthought, almost trivial. I'm really glad we decided to be open, and that the kids are just growing up knowing about it. It was definitely the right decision for us- at least so far. [/quote]

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