Reply to Sibling Relationships after Parents/ILs Pass Away

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[quote=Anonymous]I think sometimes the guilt lasts past death. My FIL passed last year and he used to guilt my DH constantly about calling and spending time with DH's brother. They were close as kids but have gone in very different directions as adults and now have very little in common.

But since my FIL's death, I think my DH has actually made a very conscientious effort to maintain contact with his brother, in part because he knows it's what his dad would have wanted. In a way, it's easier now because my DH doesn't [i]feel [/i] like he's being guilted into it. He just does it because he's decided to accept this value from his dad. They still don't have much in common and I wouldn't call them close at all (my BIL has a lot of issues that make dealing with him pretty challenging at times, actually) but my DH has just decided that maintaining that relationship matters to him.

This will sound like a weird analogy, but it reminds me of how when you are a kid and your parents tell you to do chores, you HATE it in part because you are being forced to do it and you resent having the choice taken away. But as an adult, while you might not love cleaning your own house, doing so does at least offer a sense of pride and accomplishment, more than it did as a kid when you felt forced into it.[/quote]

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