Reply to Issues with both mothers: is it us?

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[quote=Anonymous]My husband and I have had problems with both of our mothers for a while. They both mostly stem from deep issues (in a real nutshell pointing to the main inflection points, MIL kept DH in a home with a father who abused him and she now denies in DH’s adulthood that the events occurred; my mother made my dad’s life a living hell in the months leading up to his death from cancer and refused to let him choose his course of treatment and frequently scolded and lashed out at him while he was very very sick, which broke my heart into a million pieces). Anyway, we’ve both had tons of therapy and generally keep an arms-length relationship with these women out of pure guilt and pressure. This year, though, every time DH speaks with MIL, she goes politics-crazy on him and says wild things that really upset my husband (she is a Trumper, FYI), and now when I talk to my mom, she refutes every single point that I made about covid because she thinks it’s a hoax (she is not a Trumper, FYI). Neither of us can stand the obligatory 1x/week contact with either of our mothers anymore because they are really impacting our mental health negatively. We just really dislike the people that our mothers are.

I’m wondering, since we are both going through versions of the same pretty specific thing (deep-seated issues to start, compounded by extreme conflict over recent events), is it us? Are we the problem? Are these the types of normal things that families go through and come out the other end and maybe we have a lack of tolerance that is creating conflict? Thanks for any input. [/quote]

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