Reply to Has anyone stayed with a spouse after they had an affair?

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Reply to "Has anyone stayed with a spouse after they had an affair?"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP so sorry for what you're going through. I hope you seek your own therapy and time to work through this regardless of your decision.

It's such a complicated question. There are people who stay that have perfectly happy marriages and the affair happened only once. Alternatively, tons of people stay and issues regarding the affair, or new affairs occur and it creates more unnecessary hurt in the long term.

So many things to consider, if I were you, I would seriously think about the following, and do know, you may never have the answers to these questions.

1) How did you find out?
2) Is this truthfully the only time? Even if he says it is, is that the truth?
3) Was there a reason for the affair? What's his reason vs. what you view the reason vs. if a reason at all? 
4) What was your relationship like before the affair, how is it going to be moving forward with the new information?
5) What's your plan to move on? Couples therapy, individual therapy, etc.? 
6) What is your personality and how do you deal with cheating? Are you seriously someone who could forgive this affair and especially the aspects involving it?
7) What do you need from your partner to move on?

One thing I would seriously consider over the next while, is if you can genuinely take time to heal and eventually let go of what happened. He royally F'd up, but keeping this over his head for years is not a solution. I for one know I could never stay solely for the reason I could never find forgiveness in my heart for such a betrayal. That doesn't mean you won't be able to or shouldn't.

Good luck OP, just know whatever decision you make is yours alone and don't feel shame for choosing one over the other.

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