Reply to Is my almost-4 yr old "high needs"?

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Reply to "Is my almost-4 yr old "high needs"?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

OP here. Well, the truth is that if we told him no, we wouldn't play with him, he would be upset. But that has to do with a combination of being very attached to us (especially around other people) and just working on patience. We know he likes to have one of us nearby when he's in an unfamiliar setting. The playground counts as unfamiliar even though we go a lot, because the kids are always different. When he was in daycare it was different because once he was used to it, he felt comfortable with the teacher and other kids and if he felt uneasy he could always go play with a specific toy or hang out in a specific area that he knew.

He doesn't do risky things at all -- we actually have to encourage him to try things and usually walk him through it a few times before he'll try it on his own. And he would never bother older kids (way too intimidated). It's more likely that someone would accidentally bump into him and he'd flip out and come running. But I always just assumed this is what kids this age were like -- they need some helping learning about new things, they might be bothered by things that seem scary or threatening. Though it sounds like there's a lot more variation than I though there was.[/quote]

PP here that you were responding to.

I don't really like labeling kids high or low needs, although I labeled my kids that way in my post just to keep the language consistent.

But when we talk about a kid needing more, which is what high needs means, we're talking about a kid who needs more support from adults.

That doesn't mean that it's some set in stone characteristic, or that a year from now it won't be totally different, but a 3 year old who needs adult proximity to feel attached, or to get up the courage to try things on the playground, or to feel safe in a familiar environment because there are some new kids, or to work through frustration when he doesn't get his way, is needing more support than many other 3 year olds.  So, in that sense, his needs are higher.  That's not good or bad, or atypical, but it's an accurate description of where he is today.  It's not a prediction for where he'll be next year, or a statement about his personality, but it does sound like at this point in time, in that particular setting, he needed a higher level of support than many other 3 year olds.

I also think that your friends were obnoxious to point it out like that.  [/quote]

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